Valentine’s brought me to Krishna
How I as a punk kid in the 90s became monk & met my wife.
A bit of a double entendre for those who know me. For my wife’s name is Krishna, but also Krishna, God, is why I became a monk.
Here is the story.
In 1998, I had been going to the ISKCON temple in Portland, Oregon, regularly for several years, sometimes even daily. My journey of visiting temples began in 1993 in Honolulu as a skater kid.
In Portland, I would ride my 1978 Honda CX 500 to the temple in the early morning after working the night shift at Plaid Pantry (Portland’s 7/11). A few years prior, I shaved off the spiked, dreaded mohawk that I had sported for years, for motorcycle helmets made mohawks impossible, but I was still certainly a punk kid.
At the temple, I would take off my motorcycle boots, enter, bow, and practice Japa meditation. I remember one such morning when the head priest Kshetrajna Prabhu, an elderly disciple of Śrīla Prabhupāda, seemed to practically glow in the corner while doing his morning meditation. It was a very quiet and humble temple. For every morning that I would visit, it would be just him and me doing Japa meditation1 in the temple hall.
One day, the head of the humble center, Mother Mahabhagavat, who ran the place along with her husband Kshetrajna, came to me with some news.
She stated that there were going to be some changes, changes that would be good for me. She explained that she and her husband were going to retire from running the center, and that 30 monks and 5 ‘monkettes’ would be coming to Portland to open a new center.
Another Level?
But was a more immersive experience possible?
See, although I loved coming to the center on 42nd St in NE Portland, I really didn’t know how to take a deeper step. At the center I had no peers; I was 19, and everyone else was married with kids. Coming daily and offering services and practicing meditation in the early mornings was great, but was a more immersive experience possible?
I remember the day the monks arrived. They hit the street with kirtan that was just like a party. All 35 of them were from the age range of 17 to 25, all my peers. The Sunday events were amazing. Even some of my old punk/goth friends started showing up. Allison Bausch, who used to perform goth events at The City, a goth & queer night club, became a serious practitioner. I have known her since she was about 13. Even the bassist of one of my favorite local hardcore punk band in Honolulu, Hell Yeah Bowlers, Brian Borsch, showed up and also became a fully committed member. Previously, I had attended one of their recording sessions in Kaneohe, HI with a devotee named Rafael, back when I lived in Honolulu.
Needless to say, it was exactly what I needed. Actually, I wanted to live just like all of the monks. Fully immersed in kirtan, study, fun, feasting, and early morning practices. But just like a person who plans to retire, there were always some obstacles and attachments that created an ever-changing ETA.
Three Anchors
Three attachments kept me from making that jump in my life:
My house
My new motorcycle
My girlfriend
But as a friend once told me, “If God likes you, he gives you everything, but if he loves you. He takes it all away.” I started to notice a merciful surgical removal of those attachments.
1st was the house
I rented a four-bedroom house in NE Portland for an amazing price. It was $600 a month, split with three other vegetarian roommates. It had but only one flaw: the dining room floor was unfinished. Other than that, with the three roommates, the ideal price of $150 each was amazing. On top of that, we developed a great grocery system wherein each roommate would spend only about $40 a month on groceries, and each of us only had to do the shopping on one of the weeks of the month.
However, with all the bills in my name, it became quite an annoyance when the roommates began flaking or just being late on their payments.
2nd was my new motorcycle
A 1980 Honda CB 900 custom dual transmission bike. It had high and low shifts like a 10-speed bike. I had gotten into three motorcycle wrecks with my original bike while driving in the rainy streets in Portland. This 600 lbs monster was a big upgrade. I had gone on several road trips, including to the little islands and ports off of Seattle with my girlfriend. Unfortunately or fortunately for me, In late winter 1998-99 I got in a crash with a car, I flew over the side of it, and although I was quite beat up, I had to push this heavy beast home some 10 blocks away.
3rd was my girlfriend
Alison D. (Not my goth friend mentioned above) was my girlfriend for some time. She was a punk kid like me, running in some of the same circles. We were roommates, and she would also come with me most Sundays to the new temple. On Saturday, February 13th, we went to a kirtan event at Justin King’s house. Some of you may be familiar with him as the owner of Ben & Esther’s Vegan Jewish Deli in Portland & San Diego. It was sort of a pre-Valentine’s kirtan party. It was a very nice event, and I felt spiritually nourished attending. However, my girlfriend, whose birthday was that day, also wanted to go to a big house party. The thought felt like a big downgrade to what I had attend and I protested but we still ended up going.
At the party, there were tons of people, and shortly, my girlfriend started drinking and partying. But what got me was when I found her making out with another girl. That was the surgical cut I needed. We argued, and I told her that I am becoming a monk. Upset but also relieved, I walked the two hours home chanting Japa.
Monk hood
The next morning I called up Jaya Kesava, he was a former runway model for Nike who became a monk some 6 months back. He is the one who first taught me how to wear a dhoti, but with style. I told him that I was ready for ashram life, he was elated. He and the other guys thought, that if I was to ever become a monk it would had been months ago. In their passion they had giving up on the thought of it happening.
Ashram life meant waking everyday around 4am, dancing in kirtan, reading and studying, engaging in hours of daily meditation, little bit of wrestling, and other fun activities like snow sledding. It was the funnest time of my life but I was also the time which I felt I grew the most.
From Monk to Marriage?
Now, many of you may be scratching your head, how does a monk get married? Well, in the Indian tradition, Vedic culture, monkhood is like college; most students graduate and move on. Some students, however, stay in college to lead as professors.
In my journey to monkhood, visiting temples felt like dating God, Krishna, but committing to monk training felt like getting engaged 💍 after many years.
However, to hear the wild story of how I got engaged with my wife, Krishna, without even dating her, watch the video, Catfishing Yourself & How I met my Wife.
Japa is the primary form of meditation for the Chaitanya Vaishnavas. The practice is to chant the Hare Kṛṣṇa mantra on rosary beads.
Great story!
I've read you before on Substack... Nice article...thanks for sharing. Sachimata